2022 Baccalaureate Faculty Reflection
This was a particularly hard assignment for me as I tried to figure out what I wanted to say to you. If you know me, you know that talking comes fairly easily to me; as an English teacher, I get paid to talk and write. But I hit a block of sorts; perhaps some of you know what that’s like: to sit in front of a screen, staring blankly. Writing. Deleting. Starting all over again. I got myself wound up. I took walks. I tried meditating. I drank a lot of coffee. I even prayed for wisdom. Finally, I Facetimed my three young adult sons two of whom sat right where you sit at one point and asked for some advice and wisdom for you all.
One of them reminded me that the summer before he left for college was the longest of his entire life, not because he couldn’t wait to get there but because I made it my mission to reinforce lessons that I worried he ignored for the previous 18 years, and I regret to inform you that your parents will probably do the same. Like what? wash your hands; good manners matter; show up for classes because I’m paying a lot of money; change your sheets and your toothbrush frequently. Don’t get a fake ID. Don’t be stupid. Call your grandparents. Don’t put your cup down at a party. Wear your seatbelt. My kids couldn’t wait to get to college.
One son wanted me to share that Cool doesn’t pay the bills. Another wants me to remind you to show up for work on time because in real life there is no Saturday Night Study Hall. The third said that adulting is boring.
Here are a few other lessons we covered:
Lesson #1: Life is hard. Today you are looking your best. You are smart and fit and healthy and happy. This is a weekend with a special shine to it, isn’t it? Byfield is at its most beautiful and so are you. But I regret to inform you that it won’t always be like this. I realize that some of you know this; that you have faced challenges and losses already.. But most of you haven’t. So here’s the truth: You will have days, months, and sometimes years that are tough. You will break hearts, and your hearts will be broken. You won’t get the job you wanted; you’ll bomb an audition; you’ll find that you’re not the smartest kid in the class or the best athlete on the team. You’ll deeply disappoint someone you love, and you will be disappointed. You will have sleepless nights worrying about a loved one or money or a doctor’s call or a mistake you’ve made. But here’s the good news: this too shall pass. With each cycle of tough times, you will get tougher. Life is hard.
Lesson #2) Push yourself to Look Up
During the particularly dark days of the pandemic, your teachers and parents worried about the impact of social isolation. Instead of sitting in classes or in the student center or on a bench with your friends, you sat in front of a computer. Some of you for a year and a half; some of you in a completely different time zone. So when we were finally all back on campus, I was certain that you’d gather together in the dining room and look each other in the eyes and have meaningful conversations. So you can imagine my dismay when I walked into the dining room in September, and found everyone with their heads bowed, not in prayer, but looking at their phones. My youngest son rolled his eyes and reminded me that this is how your generation connects and that I shouldn’t worry so much. But I want to encourage you to consider somewhere in between. Yes you are the generation of digital natives. You understand technology on a cellular level, it seems. But……..You also look at your phones. A lot. I worry that what you see on TikTok or Instagram is shaping your idea of reality but I want to caution you that what you see is not true nor is it real.
Do you know what’s real? Look around you; look straight at the teachers and coaches and advisors with whom you’ve shared the past four messy years; look at the friends next to you and at your families sitting near you. That’s what’s real. So while I’ve given up on hoping you’ll put your phones away, I do want you to find an in-between:
Remember to look up so you don’t miss a thing.
Lesson #3) Don’t look away.
One of the things I miss most about being your age is the belief that I could change the world. I would find myself morally outraged about something and I’d call my senator or write a letter. I’d make signs and believe me, I voted. But now, many years later I must admit that I’m feeling if not quite hopeless a little world-weary. Earlier this week, 19 children were shot in their elementary school in Texas. The week before ten people were murdered in a grocery store in Buffalo at the hands of a white supremacist. This enrages me; this keeps me up at night. So what infuriates you? Listen to that. Gun Violence? Climate crisis? Access to health care and clean water? LGBTQ rights? Get mad, but then do something. Write the letter; volunteer; vote. Run for office; find the cure. Get mad and then get going. We need you to use your intellect and your big hearts and your words and your feet to make the world a better place. Don’t look away.
Lesson #4) Hang out with old people
When I lost my grandmother many years ago, my aunt looked at me and said, You just lost your biggest fan, and I’m going to assume that many of you have your biggest fans celebrating with you this weekend. . I lost my father in February; he was 94. He was that elderly veteran you see at the grocery store wearing a baseball cap with WW2, Korea and Vietnam on it. When my youngest son was a sophomore here at Govs, he was assigned a history project for which he had to interview a family member about military service. Andrew recorded his conversations with my dad , and my father told Andrew stories that I had never heard because I had never asked. Ask to hear the stories. Your grandparents, aunts and uncles and yes, even your parents carry stories and skills and perspectives about life that you need to capture. This summer Slow down, sit down and listen. Hang out with old people.
Lesson #6) The last lesson, BE NICE TO YOUR FAMILY- Your families have arrived to celebrate this milestone with you. Some have come from across the world; others drove from home this afternoon. But here’s what I know: their hearts are bursting with pride, and they’re also aching a little bit. It seems that just yesterday they held you; watched you take your first step; took you to kindergarten; stood countless hours on fields and in rinks, and then dropped you off here. Yes, they are celebrating, but they are also aching a little bit. In the next few days, when they hug you hard, let them hug you a little longer than usual. Lean into the awkward. Look them in the eyes, and say thank you. So before you rush off to your graduation gatherings, look up. Your time with us is coming to a close, but these are the people that will stand with you through all the messy chapters of your lives.
So let’s review one last time, shall we? Remember that cool doesn’t pay the bills; showing up on time matters; life can be boring and oftentimes hard. Look up! Don’t look away. Talk to old people! Say thank you to the people that matter. And go change the world. Congratulations, seniors!